Funny Thing Happened to Me on the Way to the White House

by Dick Keller -- The Gun Dude!

WHITE HOUSE ZAP EVENT Aug 18, 2025 It's the White House...about noon, the Monday after the Friday President Trump's Alaska meeting with Dictator Vladimir Adolph Putin. Today, ten (10) European Ambassadors are meeting with the President and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy for debriefing and strategic planning talks. (Do ya think you are not on camera near the WH, similar to the way it is in China & Moscow & every other Capitol?)

About 40 pro-Ukraine demonstrators are at the northwest corner... this ex-Paratrooper chatting with anyone interesting and interested, I met a lady, DC resident, viewing all the uniformed officers around. We started discussing self-protection, as in, "Have you ever felt safer in your life?"

She had taken an introductory handgun lesson, but did not yet own a firearm and did not know how to choose one, so... giving her my standard ID of being a retired cop and firearms instructor (women-only classes,) I told her that you need to at least be walking around with a stun-gun in your purse.

At this point, I was pleased to demonstrate with show-and-tell. I pulled out and accommodated her with a one-Zap demo from my self defense Sabre model 1009 weapon for her to hear and have wonder. I did about a 1/4 second crackle burst, very close to my body, behind my back turned away from the crowd. The crowd was rowdy that the 1 million volt crackle was barely audible over their noise.

However, within perhaps five minutes, two young, uniformed, bulletproof-vested, Secret Service Police approached me with faint smiles on their face and said, "Sir, may we have a word with you for just a moment?" As I followed them about 10 or 15 feet away where it was less noisy, they said, "We heard a sound that seemed rather suspicious, are YOU by any chance Dick Heller? (I was wearing a PRESS T-shirt and my Gun owners of America hat.)

They caught me off guard so, with my humorous sarcasm switch turned off, this dim bulb did not have a patented answer that I could use for in THIS potentially precarious situation. When I'm in court for jury duty I can count on the judge to ask the same question, I just smile and humorously say, "Guilty your honor," which brings a chuckle. To the general public I usually simply say, "Yes Sir," or "Yes Ma'am." Maybe I should use, "Certainly," or "Absolutely," or "The-one-and-only." I smiled and definitively said, "Yes SIR."

"Could you tell us what happened?" they asked. "Certainly... (stun-gun demonstration, etc.) "Where is it now?" they demanded. "Back in it's home where it belongs when I'm down here, in my backpack." "Good, no problem, we just want to be sure it was in the hands of the right people, and no problem in the crowds."

I gave a good country boy, "Ya done Good," or "Good job," we all had a good laugh, shook hands, and split.

So...do ya think you are not on camera near the White House, similar to the way it is in China? Well, of course, and down here at the White House, it's a good thing!!

Dick Keller, The Gun Dude!